Is this where it all starts?

I don’t know what to write to be honest.. What am I supposed to write, how am I supposed to start?.. I’m longing to write my diary but I’m fond of trying it online this time. After coming back from Europe, I was trying not to think about how I feel, what I want.. Because I know that thinking about all those self-awareness questions is gonna make me feel depressed and blue. Also I didn’t want to talk to anyone cause somehow I’ve had the feeling that no matter who I open myself to is never gonna understand me. Indeed I don’t want to hear all those bullshit like ‘everything’s gonna be alright, you’ll find your way’.

So I gave my all enegry to my work and exams. Now I just feel ovelwhelmed and angry. But angry to whom, why? I guess keeping everything to myself was just making me like a grenade. I don’t know.. I just want to talk to someone but also not to talk to anyone. Sometimes all those emotions are just too much to handle for me.

Here is the song I was listening to in the rain.